I have previously mentioned that I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. It is the worst feeling in the world. I am not even sure that I would wish it upon my worst enemy. It would be awesome if there is a magical cure that could lift the feeling immediately, unfortunately there is not.
I have been scheduled to see a psychologist for a minimum of 6 sessions, and so far I have completed 2 of the 6. It may be a good thing to see her on a regular basis after the 6 just as a gentle reminder on a monthly basis or so rather than relying on myself. So far she is my guardian angel on my shoulder with good thoughts.
I am looking at job options for the moment, and this depression is kicking my arse. My libido is next to nothing, my brain is foggy and decision making is difficult. I feel that no matter what my decision is, I will regret the path I choose. The best path feels like being a stay-at-home-dad, or is it my laziness and depression trying to take over? I suspect that is the case.
Making a decision at the best of times is difficult, but when you have to make a decision with a depression cloud hanging over your head is just near impossible. I can feel that I will regret my decision until I come to terms with what I have chosen, no matter what my decision is. Although it will feel good to have some certainty during this period of uncertain time.
I just hope that I do not feel too many regrets in making the decision. If I do, I will use mindfulness to re-center my thoughts and bring my thinking back to what is right for myself first, and my family second. Even though I have a tendency to put everyone else’s interests above myself.